Abu Kir the Dyer and Abu Sir the Barber

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Now the number of the nobles who were washed with the King that day was four hundred souls, so that the total of that which they gave him was forty thousand dinars, besides four hundred Mamelukes and a like number of Negroes and slave girls. Moreover, the King gave him ten thousand dinars, besides ten white slaves and ten handmaidens and a like number of blackamoors, whereupon, coming forward, Abu Sir kissed the ground before him and said: "O auspicious Sovereign, lord of justice, what place will contain me all these women and slaves?" Quoth the King: "O weak o’ wit, I bade not my nobles deal thus with thee but that we might gather together unto thee wealth galore; for maybe thou wilt bethink thee of thy country and family and repine for them and be minded to return to thy mother land- so shalt thou take from our country muchel of money to maintain thyself withal, what while thou livest in thine own country." And quoth Abu Sir: "O King of the Age (Allah advance thee!), these white slaves and women and Negroes befit only kings, and hadst thou ordered me ready money, it were more profitable to me than this army; for they must eat and drink and dress, and whatever betideth me of wealth, it will not suffice for their support."
The King laughed and said: "By Allah, thou speaketh sooth! They are indeed a mighty host, and thou hast not the wherewithal to maintain them; but wilt thou sell them to me for a hundred dinars a head?" Said Abu Sir, "I sell them to thee at that price." So the King sent to his treasurer for the coin and he brought it and gave Abu Sir the whole of the price without abatement and in full tale, after which the King restored the slaves to their owners, saying, "Let each of you who knoweth his slaves take them, for they are a gift from me to you." So they obeyed his bidding and took each what belonged to him, whilst Abu Sir said to the King: "Allah ease thee, O King of the Age, even as thou hast eased me of these Ghuls, whose bellies none may fill save Allah!" The King laughed, and said he spake sooth. Then, taking the grandees of his realm from the hammam, returned to his palace. But the barber passed the night in counting out his gold and laying it up in bags and sealing them, and he had with him twenty black slaves and a like number of Mamelukes and four slave girls to serve him.
Now when morning morrowed, he opened the hammam and sent out a crier to cry, saying: "Whoso entereth the baths and washeth shall give that which he can afford and which his generosity requireth him to give." Then he seated himself by the pay chest and customers flocked in upon him, each putting down that which was easy to him, nor had eventide evened ere the chest was full of the good gifts of Allah the Most High. Presently the Queen desired to go to the hammam, and when this came to Abu Sir’s knowledge, he divided the day on her account into two parts, appointing that between dawn and noon to men and that between midday and sundown to women. As soon as the Queen came, he stationed a handmaid behind the pay chest, for he had taught four slave girls the service of the hammam, so that they were become expert bathwomen and tirewomen. When the Queen entered, this pleased her, and her breast waxed broad, and she laid down a thousand dinars.
Thus his report was noised abroad in the city, and all who entered the bath he entreated with honor, were they rich or poor. Good came in upon him at every door, and he made acquaintance with the royal guards and got him friends and intimates. The King himself used to come to him one day in every week, leaving with him a thousand dinars, and the other days were for rich and poor alike; and he was wont to deal courteously with the folk and use them with the utmost respect. It chanced that the King’s sea captain came in to him one day in the bath, so Abu Sir did off his dress and going in with him, proceeded to shampoo him, and entreated him with exceeding courtesy. When he came forth, he made him sherbet and coffee, and when he would have given him somewhat, he swore that he would not accept from him aught. So the captain was under obligation to him, by reason of his exceeding kindness and courtesy, and was perplexed how to requite the bathman his generous dealing.
Thus fared it with Abu Sir, but as regards Abu Kir, hearing an the people recounting wonders of the baths and saying, "Verily, this hammam is the Paradise of this world! Inshallah, O Such-a-one, thou shalt go with us tomorrow to this delightful bath," he said to himself, "Needs must I fare like the rest of the world, and see this bath that hath taken folk’s wits." So he donned his richest dress, and mounting a she-mule and bidding the attendance of four white slaves and four blacks, walking before and behind him, he rode to the hammam. When he alighted at the door, he smelt the scent of burning aloes wood and found people going in and out and the benches full of great and small. So he entered the vestibule, and saw Abu Sir, who rose to him and rejoiced in him, but the dyer said to him: "Is this the way of well-born men? I have opened me a dyery and am become master dyer of the city and acquainted with the King and have risen to prosperity and authority, yet camest thou not to me nor askest of me nor saidst, ’Where’s my comrade?’ For my part, I sought thee in vain and sent my slaves and servants to make search for thee in all the khans and other places, but they knew not whither thou hadst gone, nor could anyone give me tidings of thee."
Said Abu Sir, "Did I not come to thee, and didst thou not make me out a thief and bastinado me and dishonor me before the world?" At this Abu Kir made a show of concern and asked: "What manner of talk is this? Was it thou whom I beat?" and Abu Sir answered, "Yes, ’twas I." Whereupon Abu Kir swore to him a thousand oaths that he knew him not and said: "There was a fellow like thee, who used to come every day and steal the people’s stuff, and I took thee for him." And he went on to pretend penitence, beating hand upon hand and saying: "There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great. Indeed we have sinned against thee, but would that thou hadst discovered thyself to and said, ’I am Such-a-one!’ Indeed the fault is with thee, for that thou madest not thyself known unto me, more especially seeing that I was distracted for much business." Replied Abu Sir: "Allah pardon thee, O my comrade! This was foreordained in the secret purpose, and reparation is with Allah. Enter and put off thy clothes and bathe at thine ease." Said the dyer, "I conjure thee, by Allah, O my brother, forgive me!" and said Abu Sir: "Allah acquit thee of blame and forgive thee! Indeed this thing was decreed to me from an eternity."
Then asked Abu Kir, "Whence gottest thou this high degree?" and answered Abu Sir: "He who prospered thee prospered me, for I went up to the King and described to him the fashion of the hammam, and he bade me build one." And the dyer said: "Even as thou art beknown of the King, so also am I, and, Inshallah- God willing- I will make him love and favor thee more than ever, for my sake. He knoweth not that thou art my comrade, but I will acquaint him of this and commend thee to him." But Abu Sir said: "There needeth no commendation, for He who moveth man’s heart to love still liveth, and indeed the King and all his Court affect me and have given me this and that." And he told him the whole tale, and said to him: "Put off thy clothes behind the chest and enter the hammam, and I will go in with thee and rub thee down with the glove." So he doffed his dress, and Abu Sir, entering the bath with him, soaped him and gloved him and then dressed him and busied himself with his service till he came forth, when he brought him dinner and sherbets, whilst all the folk marveled at the honor he did him.
Then Abu Kir would have given him somewhat, but he swore that he would not accept aught from him, and said to him: "Shame upon such doing! Thou art my comrade, and there is no diference between us." Then Abu Kir observed: "By Allah, O my comrade, this is a mighty fine hammam of thine, but there lacketh somewhat in its ordinance." Asked Abu Sir, "And what is that?" and Abu Kir answered: "It is the depilatory, to wit, the paste compounded of yellow arsenic and quicklime which removeth the hair with comfort. Do thou prepare it, and next time the King cometh, present it to him, teaching him how he shall cause the hair to fall off by such means, and he will love thee with exceeding love and honor thee." Quoth Abu Sir, "Thou speaketh sooth, and Inshallah, I will at once make it."
Then Abu Kir left him and mounted his mule, and going to the King, said to him, "I have a warning to give thee, O King of the Age!" "And what is thy warning?" asked the King, and Abu Kir answered, "I hear that thou hast built a hamman." Quoth the King: "Yes. There came to me a stranger and I builded the baths for even as I builded the dyery for thee, and indeed ’tis a mighty fine hammam and an ornament to my city," and he went on to describe to him the virtues of the bath. Quoth the dyer, "Hast thou entered therein?" and quoth the King, "Yes." Thereupon cried Abu Kir: "Alhamdolillah- praised be God- who saved thee from the mischief of yonder villian and foe of the Faith- I mean the bathkeeper!" The King inquired, "And what of him?" and Abu Kir replied: "Know, O King of the Age, that an thou enter the hammam again after this day, thou wilt surely perish." "How so?" said the King, and the dyer said: "This bathkeeper is thy foe and the foe of the Faith, and he induced thee not to stablish this bath but because he designed therein to poison thee. He hath made for thee somewhat, and he will present it to thee when thou enterest the hammam, saying, ’This is a drug which, if one apply to his parts below the waist, will remove the hair with comfort." Now it is no drug, but a drastic dreg and a deadly poison, for the Sultan of the Christians hath promised this obscene fellow to release to him his wife and children an he will kill thee. For they are prisoners in the hands of that Sultan. I myself was captive with him in their land, but I opened a dyery and dyed for them various colors, so that they conciliated the King’s heart to me and he bade me ask a boon of him. I sought of him freedom and he set me at liberty, whereupon I made my way to this city, and seeing yonder man in the hammam, said to him, ’How didst thou effect thine escape and win free with thy wife and children?’ Quoth he: ’We ceased not to be in captivity, I and my wife and children, till one day the King of the Nazarenes held a Court whereat I was present, amongst a number of others. And as I stood amongst the folk, I heard them open out on the kings and name them, one after other, till they came to the name of the King of this city, whereupon the King of the Christians cried out "Alas!" and said, "None vexeth me in the world, but the King of such a city! Whosoever will contrive me his slaughter I will give him all. he shall ask." So I went up to him and said, "An I compass for thee his slaughter, wilt thou set me free, me and my wife and my children?" The King replied, "Yes, and I will give thee to boot whatso thou shalt desire." So we agreed upon this, and he sent me in a galleon to this city, where I presented myself to the King and he built me this hammam.
"’Now, therefore, I have naught to do but to slay him and return to the King of the Nazarenes, that I may redeem my children and my wife and ask a boon of him.’ Quoth I: ’And how wilt thou go about to kill him?’ and quoth he, ’By the simplest of all devices, for I have compounded him somewhat wherein is poison, so when he cometh to the bath, I shall say to him "Take this paste and anoint therewith thy parts below the waist for it will cause the hair to drop off." So he will take it and apply it to himself, and the poison will work in him a day and a night, till it reacheth his heart and destroyeth him. And meanwhile I shall have made off and none will know that it was I slew him.’ When I heard this," added Abu Kir, "I feared for thee, my benefactor, wherefore I have told thee of what is doing.
As soon as the King heard the dyer’s story, he was wroth with exceeding wrath and said to him, "Keep this secret." Then he resolved to visit the hammam, that he might dispel doubt by supplying certainty, and when he entered, Abu Sir doffed his dress, and betaking himself as of wont to the service of the King, proceeded to glove him, after which he said to him, "O King of the Age, I have made a drug which assisteth in plucking out the lower hair." Cried the King, "Bring it to me." So the barber brought it to him and the King, finding it nauseous of smell, was assured that it was poison, wherefore he was incensed and called out to his guards, saying, "Seize him!" Accordingly they seized him, and the King donned his dress and returned to his palace; boiling with fury, whilst none knew the cause of his indignation, for, of the excess of his wrath he had acquainted no one therewith and none dared ask him.

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